A few nights ago I read the diary I kept when I was a teenager and I experienced a tremendous session of hysterical laughters. It's useless to mention that I found all the clichés specific to young ages (12-16): secret alphabets, schizoid moods (I quote: "I am the saddest person in this world, because X doesn't love me. Oh, my mom is going to buy me a fur cap. I am happy, happy.", miserable quotes, songs lyrics and lots of drawn hearts and incredible amounts of exclamation and question marks.
Later a sort of nostalgia hit me and I realized I was laughing because in the long process of growing up (now speedily approaching an age when I was supposed to have myself a teenage kid) I lost my innocence and the strength to reveal my feelings exactly as they were. I forgot the black and white expressions and I simmered in seas of gray tones. I forgot the pureness of writing down exactly what you feel, because it's sort of ridiculous. Mature women are supposed to be cynical or at least to show some self-confidence and a patrician resignation.
Then I decided I need to learn again to play and to my disgrace and awe I chose "poetry". For fun. Twitter style. The reaction of people was puzzling. Everybody encouraged me and they seemed highly enchanted by my little "pearls". That's why I decided to post them here,too for the record. As a back-up.
"I wrote your name on each and every stone/Then each and every step hurt my bare feet."
"I chained my words for you inside my battered heart/As you considered them too pungently tart."
"I carved your far away features in the trees bark/And then the leaves were smiling and blinking at me."
"I buried your unspoken touches deep down my body/And so I learned the howling yearning."
"Sweet surrender was my candid tribute/So why you trample it and painfully contribute?"
"Humbly my soul didn't ask you for the ticket when you came in/But why did you have to plunder it when everything was free?"
"You are smooth, and clean and green/Lemon flavored gelatin." - ode to my dish cleaner in a jingle style. :P
"I turned my eyes to you expecting a miracle/To find the wind solacing your faded wrinkle."
"Fearless and fair maiden shelter thy eyes/For thy king's heart is melting into ice."
Conclusion? Playing with words brings back pieces of genuine smiles from old times when I was not afraid to say what I was going through. Ridiculous? Maybe. But the catharsis effect deserves all the efforts and all the grins.
