This last year has been a nightmare on a personal level. And I am not an easy user of the heavily burdened words.
This last year I have gone to hell on a daily basis. Up and down, up and down. In a merry-go-round move like, only the merry wasn't merry at all.
This last year I have taken finally some critical decisions on all levels. The multi-layered crisis imposed me to do so.
This last year I have been beyond repair. Crowded from all points of view with no escape whatsoever. At first sight.
The purulent abscess exploded in August. By October my entire being was a pulsating bleeding flesh.
This is when I stopped all my internal engines from grinding, roaring, hushing, sweeping, screaming and I froze myself in time.
This is when I talked to myself. A long, raw and merciless conversation, in which I slapped every centimeter of me giving a shit (pardon the French) about the constant whining.
This is when I also decided that, in spite of my hideous wounds and the emaciated soul, I had to love and respect myself more.
I had hit the bottom. We humans like to stay in the warm, black mud of our personal misery. Pigs are way cleaner than us. They actually run as far as possible from their fecal matters. We don't. Most of the time.
And this is how I forced myself to look up to see some light. Nothing.
And this is how I didn't give up and I looked again. And stared. And it was hurting.
And this is how after a couple of months there it was. High up in the darkness, a needle of a ray. Teasing.
And this is how the nightmare turned into a problem.
And this is how I found solutions. Some good, some bad.
And this is how problems turned into struggles. Sweating days.
And this is how I discovered I was still strong and able to face them.
And this is how struggles turned into challenges.
And this is how I came to love my challenges.
Because challenges are for ambitious people. Because challenges are for the strong ones. Because challenges are for cool people.
And I am one of them now.
This last year I have gone to hell on a daily basis. Up and down, up and down. In a merry-go-round move like, only the merry wasn't merry at all.
This last year I have taken finally some critical decisions on all levels. The multi-layered crisis imposed me to do so.
This last year I have been beyond repair. Crowded from all points of view with no escape whatsoever. At first sight.
The purulent abscess exploded in August. By October my entire being was a pulsating bleeding flesh.
This is when I stopped all my internal engines from grinding, roaring, hushing, sweeping, screaming and I froze myself in time.
This is when I talked to myself. A long, raw and merciless conversation, in which I slapped every centimeter of me giving a shit (pardon the French) about the constant whining.
This is when I also decided that, in spite of my hideous wounds and the emaciated soul, I had to love and respect myself more.
I had hit the bottom. We humans like to stay in the warm, black mud of our personal misery. Pigs are way cleaner than us. They actually run as far as possible from their fecal matters. We don't. Most of the time.
And this is how I forced myself to look up to see some light. Nothing.
And this is how I didn't give up and I looked again. And stared. And it was hurting.
And this is how after a couple of months there it was. High up in the darkness, a needle of a ray. Teasing.
And this is how the nightmare turned into a problem.
And this is how I found solutions. Some good, some bad.
And this is how problems turned into struggles. Sweating days.
And this is how I discovered I was still strong and able to face them.
And this is how struggles turned into challenges.
And this is how I came to love my challenges.
Because challenges are for ambitious people. Because challenges are for the strong ones. Because challenges are for cool people.
And I am one of them now.
2 comments:
Lovely!
Loved this one. :)
@Shakti I wanted to say "love you, too". But lesson learned. No more love in the open. People are envious. :D
Thank you awesomeness!
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