Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 69, 70

Who is Varan, the famous hair-designer and what does he have to do with me?
Also, the stalking of S.
Hand in hand.
And my kiss, splitting the other kiss between the twos.
Weirdly, no complaining.
Soft.
Drama is all set to begin.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 68

This has been one of the most beautiful dreams I have ever had.
Because it was clear and full of love.
First of all, the drama flashes. Wow... I won't give details, but those postures and those bright colors.
I can't wait to see if they are really like this.
Then the duo... And the young one understanding everything and taking me by his side.
Determined to never let me go. Keeping me tight.
The concert.
Climbing stairs for a change.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 67

Just wow... The moon has always been by my side apparently.
A night like a Michelangelo piece of art.
That posture... Tall, shiny... Exactly like marble.
The dark-haired younger brother.
The long Spaniel cocker looking for his mama.
The applause.
The deserted world and the songs brought by the wind.
The smile at the end, when approaching with steady footsteps.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 64, 65, 66...

This has been a complete block out period.
Except flashes of a wedding dress, and the mysterious stack of white papers, the rest was an undefined mass out of which I couldn't grasp anything.
Only the sound of your voice penetrated the thick veil. Loud and crystal clear.
Especially at the moment of waking up.
Maybe because I managed to sleep just a few hours every night.
Maybe because the days became impossible almost.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 63

The highlight of the night was the email I received.
Unfortunately, written in a language I didn't understand.
Again a glitch in the Matrix.
But after that... a glorious day spent under bloomed cherry trees.
Falling asleep under their shadow.
The sudden wake up call, wake up, wake up, wake up until I opened my eyes.
It was 5 in the morning. 

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 61&62

All the gyphies in the world came to life.
With no logic whatsoever.
Swelling like ready to be born aliens.
Then jumping and turning into concrete versions of you.
The second night it was the videos' turn.
A super enhanced feeling of virtual reality.
Again the smell of freshly made coffee in the morning right near me.
Strong. As if a hot cup was right there.
Now it's clear. This year is just for strengthening the base.
You know better.
But I do have the right to contradict you.
And I will do this until you can hear.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 59&60

There is something happening over there.
We will not talk about the extraordinary facts of these two days when I asked and you listened.
I rarely believe in coincidences.
The red thread is weaving itself relentlessly.
But these two nights were very quiet, with you signaling me to cool down a bit.
Smiling too.
Concerned as well.
I have just realized that lately the doors/the windows/the mirrors/the tables/the physical objects that used to be in our path are gone.
Space is usually empty, open, but the distances are still significant.
I will wait.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 58.

Usually, when disheartenment occurs, caused by the other end of communication, the channel closes completely. Nothing related comes in.
This time you couldn't break through, but the other boys did.
We talked a lot, and things said were not the best.
Perfume starts to become a constant feature.
Haircut, too.
As an extra, elevators and cigarettes.
And lots of people from the past.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 57.

And now I remember that particular image from two nights ago.
As the dream came again.
Pushed through a door by a wave of people.
Falling in the middle of them.
Tramping all over you, as if invisible.
Exact clothes as I saw yesterday.
The celebration of the perfect match. And no, it's not a false memory.
The selfie.
The old streets.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 56.

Now I understand all that red from last night.
Bloody oceans.
Crimson fields.
Burgundy snakes.
Things are really complicated with you. 

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 55.

The case court was empty. Just me, you and a judge.
With a bang in the desk, he said:
"Half custody".
He repeated this like hundreds of times until I woke up with a startle. 

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 52, 53, 54

Crowds, crowds and more crowds.
Also the boys coming as groups now. In block. Every night.
Local stars too screaming about your soon to be presence.
Turmoil. Clouds running in the sky.
The isolation again. Which is quite explainable.
Dogs, many of them, too.
Like a big chaotic party.
Also... the mischievous part of yours. The mean one, too.
Expecting the angry one, soon.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 51.

A dream with astronauts. Brain camera zooming in your face through the thick glass of the visor. Smiling brightly.

Fever. Damped sheets. 

Shooing everybody out.

Long hours of struggle. 

And finally rising up on a rotating podium. In sparkling dark blue. 

Confident like never before. 

Understanding what is important.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 50.

Wow... So this is how perfect blank looks like. Scary.
You were drowning in a transparent mass.
I pulled you out with great difficulty.
Suffocating feeling.
You didn't see anything.
Then the obsessive white one more time. Long carpets, long drapes, long blankets.
A phone number I don't remember.
Startling when signing.
The flash of recognition.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 48 and 49.

Casual encounters. Small talks.
A perfect close-up. With your unique smile. Leaning a bit. Unexpectedly, I didn't hyperventilate.
Then the ceiling of my bedroom gorgeously painted with you. Waking up with my eyes in your eyes.
Some moments of isolation. Reading between the lines.
Listening to my requests, too.
And again the stack of white papers.
Patting them easily and asking me when we should start.
Unusual smells coming from nowhere.
Discovering new things.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 47.

I was visited by my own shaman apparently. He was surrounded by mist and smoke, dressed in the right outfit.
He insisted that you are not you. And that it is not meant to be.
But that we will be very good friends.
Instead, he told me that O is the one. Dressed in blue.
Is this why the shining boys also come to me constantly? 

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 46.

As much as this is a journal that I write to myself, which most probably nobody reads, the few last nights included things that cannot be either described or presented. Not even in the usual cryptic mode.
Also others are pushing their ways constantly. Not that I mind, but still...
Overall... the fear of new beginnings.
And my bathroom, the space which constantly shows signs of bugs in the Matrix.
Otherwise, small things are coming my way, teasing me rather uncomfortably.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 45.

Again the four shiny boys in da house, as they say.
All smiling and telling me that they will wait.
But... but... but...but...
We know, but we will be waiting as long as it takes.
A big painting made by you, wrapped up nicely with a green ribbon.
Then a Ming vase. No flowers for now you said.
And then...a splitting crowd in a square market.
Leaves on the pavement. Emerald green. 

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 44.

Change of setting. Mountain area, I would say in the Alps.
Random meeting on a terrace.
Chatting over dinner, after the initial shock.
Again that feeling of normal, genuine, intimate.
The white phone and the stack of white paper, slowly shuffling through them.
I didn't dare have a look.
Floating like a dancer, with an impossible to read expression.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 43.

Now this was quite a gift.
A two hour concert, with songs I knew and with songs I didn't know, in a huge stadium like hall, just for me. Nobody else around, just you on the high stage.
For two hours straight I danced and sang along, quite vividly, surrounded by the white smoke.
This is how I explained my stiffness and painful eyes when I woke up.
The shiny checkered outfit. Black haired. Focused.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 42.

I did not expect to remember the dream. Too tired for this.
And still there you were, super active in nature.
I was watching on the side with a weird black clicker that looked more like a compass.
Ignoring the world around.
It was cold, but sunny.
Where is the water?
In the ocean. But it's salty.
I have my ways.
And morning came with a bang.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 41.

My dreams are long gone.
My only left dream is to sing and to dance.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I am. I cannot take back the things I lost.
But other things are to be taken.
The new hair-cut.
The weird sign on the right cheek. Like an unknown letter.
Walking out the door and then turning back.
Thank you bom-bom, for everything.
The shining smile from the past.