Dream Journal - break

This will be a break in the communication.
Batteries need to be recharged.
We will continue when I consider it is worthy of my sleepless and restless nights.
Tiredness takes its toll. 

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 86 and 87

These were Insta related dreams.
The one last night though in which I was scolding you for playing "hearts and comments" with YS, was really amazing.
You were close.
You came to me.
You stayed.
And you sat.
No longer standing, walking, trodding, running away...
And while you didn't agree with me, while you were fighting with me, even dismissing my words at one point, you didn't leave, you didn't stop looking at me directly in my eyes.
It was a treat.
I noticed the presence of many people trying to grab your attention, but you were ignoring them.
That's good. 

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 83, 84, 85

Crass lack of time stopped me to write about this at first hour in the morning.
Yellow was the color of these nights, but mostly last night when even J popped up, happy, jumping, singing, in a yellow mustard jacket.
The new update didn't startle me this time.
I am already used now with seeing things happening under my eyes just to annoy and puzzle me even more.
Nevertheless... Things are changing in dreams. You tend to distance yourself, get cocky, and then quickly come back, with a humble posture.
Something new in my regard. While most of the time I just observe as an outsider, as a deus ex machina, I found myself accepting pity (?).
Again, Freud would be very happy. I am not.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 82

1:19
The hour I have woken up for the last six nights.
Not one minute earlier, not one minute later.
Always with your image. Sleepy one.
And a new smell in town.
Fresh, brisk, strong.
I keep going to the past.
In the first years.
Something needs to be discovered from that period.
Constantly searching during day time, but nothing pops up.
The dreams are the key, but they are still stubborn.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 77, 78,79, 80, 81

A longer hiatus.
Because nights were extremely weird.
With all sorts of peaks.
Pleasant and unpleasant.
Almost like a bipolar turmoil.
With flashes of high enthusiasm and deep moments of misery.
All overflowing in daylight.
Updates came in waves exactly as they appeared in dreams.
Sometimes I wish this was just a delusion.
But it's not... so I keep going.
Until when and why, I have no idea.
Wait for me.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 74, 75, 76

I have seen the mean you. But also the tender you.
The smells are back.
Food and perfume. Nothing I knew from before.
So close every time.
The bridges are getting stronger by the day.
The smiles more specific.
The second title was there too, three nights in the row.
Always forgetting when waking up.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 71, 72,73...

Gorgeous nights.
All mine.
With you in black and white.
Last night you mentioned Insta. Soon.
Dancing. Talking things. Approving, disapproving, laughing.
So many feelings.
So many thoughts.
Nobody else managing to penetrate the bubble.
A bit of a relief for a change.
More balanced days.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 69, 70

Who is Varan, the famous hair-designer and what does he have to do with me?
Also, the stalking of S.
Hand in hand.
And my kiss, splitting the other kiss between the twos.
Weirdly, no complaining.
Soft.
Drama is all set to begin.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 68

This has been one of the most beautiful dreams I have ever had.
Because it was clear and full of love.
First of all, the drama flashes. Wow... I won't give details, but those postures and those bright colors.
I can't wait to see if they are really like this.
Then the duo... And the young one understanding everything and taking me by his side.
Determined to never let me go. Keeping me tight.
The concert.
Climbing stairs for a change.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 67

Just wow... The moon has always been by my side apparently.
A night like a Michelangelo piece of art.
That posture... Tall, shiny... Exactly like marble.
The dark-haired younger brother.
The long Spaniel cocker looking for his mama.
The applause.
The deserted world and the songs brought by the wind.
The smile at the end, when approaching with steady footsteps.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 64, 65, 66...

This has been a complete block out period.
Except flashes of a wedding dress, and the mysterious stack of white papers, the rest was an undefined mass out of which I couldn't grasp anything.
Only the sound of your voice penetrated the thick veil. Loud and crystal clear.
Especially at the moment of waking up.
Maybe because I managed to sleep just a few hours every night.
Maybe because the days became impossible almost.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 63

The highlight of the night was the email I received.
Unfortunately, written in a language I didn't understand.
Again a glitch in the Matrix.
But after that... a glorious day spent under bloomed cherry trees.
Falling asleep under their shadow.
The sudden wake up call, wake up, wake up, wake up until I opened my eyes.
It was 5 in the morning. 

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 61&62

All the gyphies in the world came to life.
With no logic whatsoever.
Swelling like ready to be born aliens.
Then jumping and turning into concrete versions of you.
The second night it was the videos' turn.
A super enhanced feeling of virtual reality.
Again the smell of freshly made coffee in the morning right near me.
Strong. As if a hot cup was right there.
Now it's clear. This year is just for strengthening the base.
You know better.
But I do have the right to contradict you.
And I will do this until you can hear.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 59&60

There is something happening over there.
We will not talk about the extraordinary facts of these two days when I asked and you listened.
I rarely believe in coincidences.
The red thread is weaving itself relentlessly.
But these two nights were very quiet, with you signaling me to cool down a bit.
Smiling too.
Concerned as well.
I have just realized that lately the doors/the windows/the mirrors/the tables/the physical objects that used to be in our path are gone.
Space is usually empty, open, but the distances are still significant.
I will wait.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 58.

Usually, when disheartenment occurs, caused by the other end of communication, the channel closes completely. Nothing related comes in.
This time you couldn't break through, but the other boys did.
We talked a lot, and things said were not the best.
Perfume starts to become a constant feature.
Haircut, too.
As an extra, elevators and cigarettes.
And lots of people from the past.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 57.

And now I remember that particular image from two nights ago.
As the dream came again.
Pushed through a door by a wave of people.
Falling in the middle of them.
Tramping all over you, as if invisible.
Exact clothes as I saw yesterday.
The celebration of the perfect match. And no, it's not a false memory.
The selfie.
The old streets.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 56.

Now I understand all that red from last night.
Bloody oceans.
Crimson fields.
Burgundy snakes.
Things are really complicated with you. 

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 55.

The case court was empty. Just me, you and a judge.
With a bang in the desk, he said:
"Half custody".
He repeated this like hundreds of times until I woke up with a startle. 

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 52, 53, 54

Crowds, crowds and more crowds.
Also the boys coming as groups now. In block. Every night.
Local stars too screaming about your soon to be presence.
Turmoil. Clouds running in the sky.
The isolation again. Which is quite explainable.
Dogs, many of them, too.
Like a big chaotic party.
Also... the mischievous part of yours. The mean one, too.
Expecting the angry one, soon.

Dream Journal - KHJ. Day 51.

A dream with astronauts. Brain camera zooming in your face through the thick glass of the visor. Smiling brightly.

Fever. Damped sheets. 

Shooing everybody out.

Long hours of struggle. 

And finally rising up on a rotating podium. In sparkling dark blue. 

Confident like never before. 

Understanding what is important.